I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
