i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
