i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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