I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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