I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
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