what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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