Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
