when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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