Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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