Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Even my vagina gasped.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
