it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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