Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Houston, we have a blender
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
