a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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