If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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