I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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