don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
