You made me cry and you don't even care
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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