And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
