You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
