I'm going to jail i love you
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
