i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
