Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
