oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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