her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
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