You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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