I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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