just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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