he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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