Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
