She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Life is so much better after having sex.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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