"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Randomize
