Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
