I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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