You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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