I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
