Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
