Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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