found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize
