I showed him my bush... on skype.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
