Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I supernannyed him into submission
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
