She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
