so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
