there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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