I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
