I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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