I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
my being single is dangerous.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
