The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
