Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
As shirtless as possible
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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