I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
