A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
So many bounce houses so little time
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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