don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
