Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
