Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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