Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
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Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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