Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
