I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
