im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
