He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
