it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
