I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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